Some humorus sign ads

Advertisement In A Long Island Shop: Guitar, for sale....... cheap...........no strings attached.

Ad.. In Hospital Waiting Room: Smoking Helps You Lose Weight ... One Lung At A Time!

Seen on a bulletin board: Success Is Relative. More The Success, More The Relatives.





When I Read About The Evils Of Drinking...I Gave Up Reading.

My Grandfather Is Eighty And Still Doesn't Need Glasses... He Drinks Straight Out Of The Bottle.

You Know Your kids Have Grown Up When: Your Daughter Begins To Put On Lipstick.. Or Your Son Starts To Wipe It Off.

Sign In A Bar: "Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget, Please Pay In Advance."

Sign In Driving School: If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive, Don't Stand In Her Way.

Behind Every Great Man, There Is A Surprised Woman.

The Reason Men Lie Is Because Women Ask So Many Questions.

Getting Caught Is The Mother Of Invention.

Laugh And The World Laughs With You, Snore And You sleep Alone.

The Surest Sign That Intelligent Life Exists Elsewhere In The Universe Is The Fact That It Has Never Tried To Contact Us.

Sign At A Barber's Saloon In Detroit: We Need Your Heads To Run Our Business.

A Traffic Slogan: Don't Let Your Kids Drive If They are Not Old Enough Or Else They Will Never Be.

Sign In A Restaurant: All Drinking Water In This Establishment Has Been Personally Passed By The Manager.

Sign On A Famous Beauty Parlor Window: Don't Whistle At The Girls Going Out From Here. She May Be Your Grandmother !

HOW OLD AM I?

A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I want you to give me 12-year scotch, and don`t try to fool me because I can tell the difference."


The bartender is skeptical and decides to try to trick the man with 5-year scotch. The man takes a sip, scowls and says, "Bartender, this crap is 5-year scotch. I told you I want 12-year scotch."


The bartender tries once more with 8-year scotch. The man takes a sip, grimaces and says, "Bartender, I don`t want 8-year scotch like this filth. Give me 12-year scotch!"


Impressed, the bartender gets the 12-year scotch, the man takes a sip and sighs, "Ah, now that`s the real thing."


A disgusting, grimy, stinking drunk has been watching all this with great interest. He stumbles over and sets a glass down in front of the man and says, "Hey, I think that`s really far out what you can do. Try this one."


The man takes a sip and immediately spits out the liquid and cries, "Yechhh! This stuff tastes like piss!"


The drunk`s eyes light up and he says, "Yeah, now how old am I?"

Is BUS..........male or female?

There is a classroom of some small children (5-7yrs),

With a genius boy ( Bablu ) and a smart one (Pappu).

The dialogue between the two and the teacher goes something like this:

Bablu: "Teacher, teacher! Is Bus male or female?

Teacher : Thinking.......

Pappu: "Teacher, teacher! It is female"

Bablu : "Kyon?"

Pappu: "Kyon ki sab log uspe chadte hain."

Teacher is pareshan. While Bablu gets in doubt.

Bablu: "Agar bus female hai aur sab uspe chadte hain to uske bacche kyon nahin hote?"

Teacher is more pareshan.

Pappu: "Kyon ki sab us par peeche se chadte hain."

Teacher is now hiding her face.Bablu gets another doubt.

Bablu: "Maana sabhi peeche se chadte hain, but driver aur conductor to aagay se chadte hain. Phir bachche kyon nahin hote?"

Teacher is sweating as it is getting too much to handle.

Pappu replies : "Kyon ki who dono topi pehanke chadte hain."

Teacher faints !!!!!!!